Once

I saw a video for a song in the movie 'Once' the other day, and based on the song I think that everyone should go see the movie immediately. I don't even really know what it's about, I just know that it HAS to be good based on the song. Might as well buy the soundtrack while you're at it!

I'm in Hurley, Wisconsin. Slept outside the Information Center. Trying to get some information here... about the way some people are. Thank you David Gray.

There is a bit of a grasshopper epidemic in these parts! What is the purpose of grasshoppers anyway? They hop... but what else? They make noise with their fiddles? Or are those crickets...
In any case, it's a reeeal problem. There are literally thousands of them littering the streets. My bike startles them and their natural reaction is to hop.
But don't they understand they are supposed to hop into the grass and not my face!?! They are called grasshoppers, not facehoppers! Silly wabbits.
So I'm riding along and whap! Right in the face. Whap! In the left shoulder. It's not that I mind being hit by grasshoppers, it's more the surprise factor. Surprises aren't good while riding on a 1 foot shoulder with big logging trucks on your left and a dropoff to gravel on your right.

I saw two grasshoppers mating on a wooden fence the other day, the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees, and now grasshoppers! I promptly backhanded them off the fence and explained to them that I am instituting a 1 grasshopper limit, similar to China and their children. One grasshopper only please, we have too many!

And where is the Keebler Elf when you need him? Doesn't he use grasshoppers to make those chocolate mint cookies? Shouldn't he be out here walking along with a bag - a sack - collecting these dummies for his recipe? I imagine the Pillsbury DoughBoy would be his sidekick... where are these guys? Maybe they don't know there's a secret stash of grasshoppers in upper Wisconsin. Sorta like how the first settlers here didn't know there was iron ore in the hills. There's iron ore in them ther hills! And, for you Keebler Elves - grasshoppers for your cookies!

I've also seen many signs recently that say 'Thank You. Please Call Again.'
But -- I never called in the first place!! It's bizarre. I would estimate that 3 people out of 100 actually call the store before they shop there. So they are incorrectly assuming that these other 97 people called them. Wouldn't they need a call center in India if this was the case?
Please Call Again. Rrrrright. Please Get a Better Sign That More Accurately Describes What Just Took Place! Dammit.

Finally, because today has been declared Complaint Day, I'd like to say a few things about the roads in this country. And it's not any one state either, it's a nation-wide epidemic! Grasshoppers and Cracks in the Road - I will run for President on this platform.
Forget Iraq and health care - we've got more serious problems to deal with!
So, we've put a man on the moon (or have we?) but apparently have not figured out how to build roads that can withstand cold. What happens is the road freezes, expands, and then cracks. Can't we find a material that can withstand the expansion??? I don't get it.
Our solution so far seems to be that in the spring we just go along and pour tar into the cracks. Every 30 feet. You probably don't notice this in a car, but on a bike - every 30 feet - it's DA-DUMP. 30 more feet - DA-DUMP. Some are worse than others. Sometimes I feel like the bike may eventually just give in to the cracks. Ok fine cracks - you win! And it will just fall apart. The wheels will roll into the gutter, handlebars will disintegrate, seat will fall off, panniers will explode. It will be like the roadrunner running off a cliff and realizing he will now fall.
I will be left in mid-air, wondering why we haven't figured out how to build smooth roads that don't crack under pressure, or ice.

Oh - I almost forgot - Alex, the Russian guy I was traveling with, is in Rochester, New York already! Insane. Good thing this isn't a race...
He's actually staying at my mom's place, I'm interested to hear what she thinks of him. He can be difficult to understand sometimes with his Russian accent, but he is wildly funny.